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Cover Letters for Klingons
by Rob Schaeffer
Here is my cover letter as if I had written it for a job with the Klingon
Empire:
Greetings Warrior Recruitment
Officer!
I demand you tell me more about the position
of software engineer and bug destroyer. I have the blood of many software
bugs on my hands from years as a code warrior! I have also constructed many
applications that combine the strength of tempered steel with the usability
of a well balanced knife.
At my last job, before they launched an assault on Atlanta where I was unable
to follow due to my duties and commitments of honor here in New Hampshire,
I was the project leader of a squad of fellow code warriors. I helped with
the planning of various missions and tracked their execution! We tasted many
victories together!
I also co-ordinated communications with other divisions of this mighty army,
from scouts whose job it was to locate bugs (which I then slaughtered), to
those who spread the word to mere civilians of our accomplishment.
At my assignment before that, I brought their communications systems up to
standards allowing military supplies to be distributed more efficiently!
And before that, I worked in a battle station maintaining security and surveillance
infrastructure to only allow those with the proper clearance access within.
Currently I am honing my skills in a variety of warrior arts, with missions
of my design to increase my skills and honor!
I am looking for an assignment that will allow me to analyze the enemy’s
weaknesses and strike with minimal effort for the greater good of the Empire!
I have great patience and skill, like the stalking tiger waiting for its
prey.
I have included my service record which contains specific details of my victories.
Respond soon. It will be glorious!
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